My name’s Dilbert Howard, and look, we need to talk. You probably know my two brothers better, but I in fact have an even cooler, hipper blog and an even more sophisticated MDA extraction technique on the way.

Now, while my brothers and other important people in the poker community have made it an absolute priority of late to information dump as much as possible without thought to the consequences, we need to pause that for a moment. We need to stop fighting each other to make the games worse faster, and instead take on the most important event in poker since cards were invented.

One site, GG, has nearly doubled its rake for high stakes games! GG poker is thus making it really hard for the people I care about to win and to extract money from the pool.

You should be very worried about this, too, and that’s why I’ve decided to talk to you with a special gravitas and this serious algorithmic art behind me.

The solution is this: I’ve instructed one of my lackeys to organize a boycott. What I’d like you do is give up playing until we can solve this problem of GG extracting too much from the games. We’d also like the GG player ambassadors to deliver our message, to step down in solidarity with us, and then just kill themselves because this is such a big deal.

Now as you know, my mass database of hands provides us with such an amazing overview of the game it would be unfair if it wasn’t being used by responsible people who deserve to have much more information than the average player. It’s simply shocking that someone would take an action that makes our work of making the games harder, harder, as GG has done.

Consider this analogy that doesn’t make any sense. Jeff Bezos provides an amazing service and can corner the market. GG can’t. You see my point? I thought so.

In any case, I’m not here to just talk about myself: I’m sure you’re worried about high stakes poker and have been asking yourself, “How will Dilbert do it? How will he pay for all his trips to Latin America and Europe in the middle of a global downturn? What about team-building sex tours in Thailand? How will Dilbert break it to his girlfriend that Montenegro is out this year?”

Believe me, I’m with you, and we’re both worried about me.

As Anne Frank wrote, first they came for the high stakes players, but I said nothing.

And you, Brutus? And you?

SMH.

In any case, like and subscribe. I’ve got a TON of new tips and tricks for crushing amateurs. On the heels of the successful Night Goggles and Chat Box Parasite learning modules, I’m hoping to release Laser Suffocation Death Ray, really pushing the latest MDA combined with AI analysis to just suck every hope of winning out of them, really just torturing straight-up players and making the games aggravating and impossible to beat.

So, have faith: together we can make the games good for the right people. We need things to go back to the way they were, the way my business plan allows.

I mean, I’ve got bills, man.

Best,

Dilbert H.