Dear Poker Dad

dear poker dad

Editor’s note: after a successful stay in Memory Care, Poker Dad is back and needs things to do.

Dear Poker Dad,

No one ever bluffs! Here I am, opening AK to five bbs, and I get five callers. Flop comes ace little little and I bet two thirds pot like in the solver, and everyone folds except the bb who raises all in. I call and he has two pair!

Frustrated in Florida

Dear FIF,

What the hell are you doing there, son? Opening so big and then betting into five people. You leave them no options! What’s a guy supposed to do, raise you pre when you are in early position? YESM HERE I’LL JUST SQUEEZE AQ INTO THIS MULLET HEADED FLORIDIAN! Just give you the hand? Eh? Now let me get back to rewatching my favorite streamer, I think I saw some side-boob when she wins a flip. They don’t let you tape the internet in Memory Care.

 

Dear Poker Dad,

I’ve been trying to promote why it is poker players should support Israel in their conflict with the Palestinians but not everyone agrees. What should I do?

Rooting for Benny

Dear RFB,

I feel your pain, kiddo. The thing is, America has a lot of lessons for everyone. One thing is, you always have to choose a team, and if you think a draw or a multi-state thingamagummy is a solution to an old-fashioned fracas you are buttering the wrong side of the onion rings! Choose a team and go for it, all the way, do or die, sink or swim, do your memory quiz or be locked in the closet again. Remember: soccer is actually an English word so it’s still gay.

 

Dear Poker Dad,

I’ve been training on the Wiz for at least three months and getting better and better scores. When I am I ready to play in real games?

Lots of Sims

Dear LOS,

Never.

 

Dear Poker Dad,

I’ve been getting harassed by men at the poker table. What’s a good response when someone says something crass and/or sexist?

Minding My Business

Dear MMB,

In general, laughing at someone is the easiest way to dismiss improper behavior. It’s like Harry Truman said when they asked him if he was sure the bomb was necessary: “My laughter is the best medicine.” For instance, when Poker Mom told me I was “two cards short of a hand and one key short of a house” and changed the locks I just laughed all night and stayed at the motel down the street until the bills started piling up and the crying and begging worked.

P.S. I’ll need to see a pic before adjudicating this conundrum properly.

 

Dear Poker Dad,

I need to work on my mental game. Where should I start?

Need Brain Strength in Texas

Dear NBSIT,

It’s all about visualization. Picture a man at the poker table. Picture him raking in chips because he studied, and you didn’t.

 

Dear Poker Dad,

I’m getting ready to head to the WSOP. Any tips?

Bracelet Bound

Dear BB,

The WSOP is all about parking. Get that credit card that gets you in for free, or that parking pass thingy from the people at the place. Then get another one for back up. You don’t want to be left outside, parking on the strip. We did that on the road trip. It was stressful as I couldn’t help Chris find the car, despite what he told me about graduating from Memory Care. I’m not certain why we had to rush out of the unit or why we had to go so fast, either, but measure twice, cut once, I always say. I also should have gotten a certificate, if I had graduated, right? I hope you win your own WSOP certificate, Bracelet Bound. I’m rooting for you.

 

Send your questions to Poker Dad at pokerdad@persuadeo.nl

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