Return to playing for my life’s blood.
I’ve resisted a final review of Return to the Wild because like a meme, the losses continued to pile up off the page, a graph dropping to the right corner of the screen and dropping down to the tabletop and then the floor. I am in a period where I have not been able to…
Return to the Wild wasn’t just about poker blogging and grinding like I used to; it also meant a return to the swings of the game. When you make your results public, it’s too obvious to say they can’t be hidden. What matters is you can’t hide them from yourself. I end $33,491 to the…
I feel the pressure to win now. It’s not fatal. I’ve felt worse, had it worse. Still, between the empty result of the past month and the daunting unexpected expenses, I know exactly where I am at: the edge of financially sound and not sound. It’s almost odd to know the situation so precisely. I…
The world is chaos, yet we still thrive. The citizen lives between the overlapping fear of mad opinions becoming accepted and his own mad opinion not being heard. His countersignaling disappears like the octopod’s ink in the ocean. It’s just what we do. In publishing, the Shy Girl scandal stands out as an example of…
Heat returns to the desert city. I stay inside, reading and listening. I cook sparingly. Poker is for the night. I’m doing better than I can stand. For those struggling, the casinos are a public welfare. Air conditioning. Cold, syrupy drinks. Laughing, bewildered people. I’m lucky to be here in my little paradise cell. I…
As I push out of the downswing, I will myself to feel a change of direction. Like a fool or a charlatan, I summon the wind. Away from the table, like the magician, I am always afraid, always worried that the next step is the landmine. I check my bank balance, I cancel subscriptions, I…
With seventy-five hours to go in Return to the Wild, most of my goals have been complete. I have improved my game and my attitude. I have reached five-ten again. I have pushed myself a bit in the volume department. That said, I really did play questionable during the downswing. A session of five-ten doesn’t…
Another near win after getting stuck early. Players say they feel good after such comebacks, but I’ve really never experienced this feeling until now. Of course, I understood that it was good, but the feeling of satisfaction equivalent to winning was new to me. Maybe it’s because I played satisfactorily and without any miracle run…