Blondica Yogapantzik is Problematic

By goddess, I was shocked to discover that Blondica Yogapantzik is not who she says she is. Just look at these old tweets where she says what bad people say instead of what good people say!

Not only that, but I’m beginning to see that Blondica just isn’t authentic. To have changed your position on a social media site over a period of a twelve years is truly sus. I’m not sure she is actually registered with the Klan, but those one-hundred-forty-character pronouncements are basically party papers. Zeig Heil!

Sigh. I had really hoped she was an genuinely blonde media ho, just trying to find clicks like the rest of us. Still, you can breathe easy, I’m here. I have the time and the passion and the neurosis to take whatever is the most outraged and easily defensible position – the position of an imaginary victim – and then ridicule you when you disagree with the victim. Better yet, I’ll just ask the question, really just make a suggestion – no proof needed – that someone is doing something awful.

Are you against victims? Are you for awful people who do awful things? Didn’t think so!

Moreover, by staying anonymous, I can deliver these possible truths and more because they require no accountability.

Like how Nick Ver-douchey has a small penis! Call the burn unit, HELLO!

Ver-douchey. Do you see what I did there! Do you see it? Wow, I really am funny! Yet I couldn’t take brave stands like this without that anonymity. Further, by also hiding in the guise of a woman, I double my protection from criticism and am able to side with the people who are really doing good in this world, like state sponsored ex-poker cheaters and upper-middle class white academicians with a passion for enforcing trendy thought codes.

There are saints among us.

Yes, people like me are out there, doing the work. For instance, did you know Matt Berkey typed the word fag fifteen years ago? Yes, fellow warriors of truth are nearby, digging things up like this in order to heal the community.

Still, I just can’t protect you unless I’m allowed to attack you without repercussions. We can’t find all the bigots and problematic people unless you agree to follow and support anonymous, trivial, bad faith accusations.

So… can I count on your support? Just one like or retweet can make a mindless accusation stick for weeks, maybe forever!

By the way, I’m wondering if Yogapantzik is Blondica’s real name. (See, this is the kind of research and critique the poker world needs.)

And is DGAF cheating still? I heard he is still wearing sunglasses at a poker table! Does he also have a small penis?

(Wow, cracking myself up again! I should really save some of this material for poker Twitter spaces!)

Now, why would any of this make anyone angry? I literally cannot understand my fellow humans. Why should having your reputation ruined with no way to seek reparation bother you? None of this is real, right?

I’m just here, asking questions. And if I’m wrong? Hey, don’t worry, it’s just a parody account! Yeah, I’m parodying… an account, I guess. Don’t know, don’t care! Hey, now I’ll even praise the right people and become more popular than ever!

Hey, enjoy this photo of a tied-up woman only I can get away with posting! How about a woman with a bag over her head and a hole for her open mouth, ready to be trafficked?

You know, I’m just pinching myself to see if all this is real, because they just let me get away with everything, over and over!

So, like and follow… or your time may come soon.